Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
