Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
