He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
