I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
BRING THE BAGELS
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
