where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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