for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
