i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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