I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
