His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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