so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
