Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can you bring me the toilet please
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
