We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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