Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
