I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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