This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
