no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
