Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
