youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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