i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
