I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
