I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
