um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
