is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
