her vagine was all disorganized.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
