my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
