I wish I could teleport
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
