I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
