Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
