So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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