yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
