My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
