My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
