Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
