ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
