I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
