mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
