Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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