she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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