Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Your penis caused this!
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