god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
