at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
