1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
