If i come over, it means nothing
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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