they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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