he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
