how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
