Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
