If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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