I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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