Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
